“So, how did the interview go?” my sister asked when she came in, carrying one sleeping child and dragging another behind.
I watched as she took care of the kids before I spoke. “It really wasn’t an interview.” I sat on the floor and smiled at the boy who was now curled up on the couch.
“Really?” My sister moved into the kitchen with her daughter and came back out again with a bottle. “What was it then?”
“They offered me the job on sight, and I told them I could start any time they were ready.” I took off my shoes and stretched out. “That must have been some recommendation.”
“Did you get a chance to meet my friend?” She sat down next to me and repositioned the baby.
“No, I really only talked to a couple of people and then left. They want me to start tomorrow and get to meet everyone then. I think your friend was out doing something, but I’m not sure.” I stood up and emptied my pockets and put the contents into my shoes. “I was in and out fast.”
“Did you at least discuss how much you’re making?” I could see my sister was a little nervous.
“Sure did. They said I could keep making more if I make them more. It’s not much to start, but it beats sitting around here watching reruns.” I could tell that answer wasn’t received well.
“How much are they paying you?”
I told my sister, and she laughed.
“That’s terrible. I make twice that much.”
“You’ve been working at your place for a long time. There’s no comparison.”
My sister shook her head slowly and looked at me like I was one of her children.
“I’m happy with it. Besides, I didn’t want to seem greedy.”
“Greedy? Do I seem greedy to you?” My sister stood up and began bouncing the baby on her shoulder.
“It’s my first real job. How was I supposed to know?” I looked around the room and looked at everything like it had a price tag on it. Doing the math, I knew she was right, but my needs were simple. “Do you want me to start paying room and board?”
My sister stood still and leaned closer to my face. “I asked you to come back here.”
“I know.” The boy sat up and tried to get on my back. I looked over my shoulder and pretended to claw at him. “It really is good to be around people again.”
“People? We’re family. You’ll be around people at work. Here, we are more.” My sister sat on the couch and laid the girl down with the bottle. “I’m sorry to talk money. That was way wrong. It’s none of my business.”
“I respect your opinion. Someone has to help me since I always seem to make poor decisions.”
My sister tried to interrupt, but I continued.
“I’m serious. You have to promise you’ll help me. I don’t want to be the one who is constantly messing up, and no one has the guts to tell me.”
My sister sat back and crossed her arms. “Are you sure you want that?”
“What’s the harm?” I stood up with her son clutching tightly around my neck. “I did a lot of thinking while I was away, and I know I need help. Right now I don’t have any friends, and I’m about to start a new job.”
“I’m not seeing a connection?” she said, raising an eyebrow.
“We should go out and celebrate.” I spun around quickly and heard a scream of glee from the boy. “I can at least afford a pizza, right?”
“At least. Maybe even a bottle of soda too.” My sister walked into the other room and called the order in while I watched both kids. “Do you mind picking it up so I don’t lose my parking spot?”
“Didn’t you order it from the place down the street?”
My sister gave me a look like I asked her to eat bugs.
“What am I missing?”
“Those guys moved out a few years back, and it’s changed hands several times. You remember the place by the playground?”
My mouth watered, and I smiled widely.
“By the time you get there, it’ll be ready. You’re number 6,” she said, throwing my coat to me.
I started on my way and remembered that as a kid, I always walked through the neighborhood, taking the same path. Even though I had been away for years, I found myself falling into old patterns that felt comfortable. Passing a church, elementary school, and arriving at a park, I stopped. Memories of summers spent climbing trees and hanging upside down until it was dinnertime made me long for another chance at youth.
There weren’t many people outside and definitely no one playing. It wasn’t late, but I guess everyone was inside, entertaining themselves electronically. I thought about how I wanted to get my own computer, fast internet, and maybe a game system. Not on my salary, not even close. My sister, while well-meaning, had got me thinking along all the wrong paths.
Before I knew it, I was in the pizza shop handing over the last few dollars I had to my name. I picked out a bottle of soda, carefully held the hot bag of cheesy goodness flat, and left to return home as quickly as possible. Deciding against my better judgment, I took another route home so I didn’t have to walk an extra block out of the way.
It seemed like more houses were either empty or in bad repair going home in this direction. Corner stores I remembered fondly were renamed or boarded up. Maybe that’s the reason I stopped walking this way growing up. I don’t think I even had any friends who lived this far from my house. My life now, like then, really consisted of a few people, a few places, and a few things. Family did not equal people, my sister reminded me. At least I think that was her point.
By the time I got home, the children were both in pajamas and eating something more healthy than what I was carrying.
“That was pretty quick,” my sister said from the dining room. “Did you remember the soda?”
I held up the bottle like it was a prized fish I caught. “Your favorite, I believe.”
Walking into the dining room, I saw my sister had already put out plates, silverware, and glasses.
“Knives and forks, really?” I eased into my chair and put the bottle down to unwrap the brown bag holding the pizza. Amazing waves of deliciousness filled the room, and even the youngest had her nose to the air.
“I haven’t had one of these in years,” my sister announced, grabbing a slice and holding it with a deep sense of respect.
I watched her savor the first bite as did the children, who wanted something other than chicken pieces, mixed vegetables, and milk. “I am so happy for you.”
I opened the soda slowly so it prolonged the sweet, hissing release. “Can I fill you up?”
My sister slammed her glass down in front of me and grabbed a second slice. “You most certainly may,” she said with a mouth full. “What?” she asked with mock concern, puffing out her cheeks.
We all laughed, and it was good to see my sister feeling more at ease.
“You do have to promise me that you’ll tell me if I’m taking myself or life a lit bit too serious, understand?”
“Like now?” she asked with a wink. “I have a feeling neither of us is going to return to our former selves constantly at each other’s throats and never having any fun.”
“I actually think the time apart will help us appreciate what we’ve got.” I could see my sister’s eyes welling up.
“And what we’ve lost.” She dabbed her eyes with a napkin. “We both deserve to be happy again.”
I poured myself a glass of soda and topped my sister’s drink. Raising my glass, I said, “To new beginnings.” I clinked her glass and tapped the kids’ sippy cups. “Bottoms up.” I chugged the contents and felt the bubbles building up until I could contain them no more.
After dinner was over and the children were in bed, I sat down to relax on the couch. “What’s the dress code at your place?”
My sister sat down in another chair and turned on the television. “They are trying something new, business casual. So no ties or jackets. I’ll have to get some nicer stuff when I get paid, but I’ll be good for now.”
I hoped she would turn on the news, but reality television was the choice. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I stood up and stretched. “I better get ready for tomorrow.”
“Can we talk?” My sister turned off the television and motioned for me to sit down again.
“What about your show?” I sat down again and could tell my sister needed me.
“It can wait. Why did you leave?”
“Wow, you really want to talk about all that?” I shifted uncomfortably. “We’ve been able to dance around everything for months. Why now?”
“I wanted to talk to you since the night I called. I wasn’t ready until now. You said you wanted me to help you earlier tonight. This is me helping.” She shrugged. “Is that okay?”
“How honest do you want me to be?”
My sister smiled. “Be honest, but be nice. Does that make sense?”
I understood what she wanted, but I was hoping that I could comply. “Okay, that’s fair. I left because I was tired of everyone telling me what to do, how to live my life, who I should be friends with, the list goes on. I wasn’t living my life, and no one saw that.”
“Why didn’t you come back when they died?”
“Yeah, that was a mistake.” I blew out a long breath. “I was happy at that point to be rid of them both at the same time.”
My sister was shocked. “Happy?”
I thought back to the feelings I had when my parents died, and happy summed it up nicely. “Yes.”
“Really?”
“You wanted to know the truth. I didn’t come back at the time because there wasn’t anyone I cared about. I hated you, and I hated them in the end.”
“What goes on in your head?”
I laughed. “You do not want to go there. I’m not saying that I was right or that nothing’s changed. I was wrong, very wrong.”
“Why did you hate me?”
“At the time, you were the most vocally opinionated person. It didn’t matter that we were family. I hated you for telling me what to do.”
My sister folded her arms. “You asked me to do the same thing tonight that you hated me for years ago. I don’t get it.”
“The difference is I asked you tonight to help me.”
“You’re right. I have always been able to point out everyone else’s issues, from my perspective, of course. I will take great pains not to relive those mistakes.”
I could tell my sister was starting to get me. “There is another reason that I am very embarrassed to admit.”
“Embarrassed? You can admit to hating someone, but this other reason makes you uncomfortable. Can’t wait to hear it.”
I leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “They gave me nothing.”
“You mean in the will?”
I looked at my sister and nodded. “You got everything, and that made me rage. I grew up in this house too, and I would have been living here like a stranger.”
“I had no idea.”
“I got a letter that explained that you were getting everything because they thought you would need it more. I had debt from school loans. I had bills piling up too. They said they loved me and knew I would be okay, but I was to get nothing.” I tapped my foot nervously. “I was happy they were dead.”
“They never told me any of that.”
“Why would they? I never planned on coming home again. I wanted to get over it but didn’t make the effort. Months turned to years, and I went on living. They were right. I was okay on my own. I could make it. I was doing whatever I wanted to for the first time in my life.” I tried to relax but could tell I was still tensing up. “Then you called.”
My sister smirked. “I was pretty bad off that day.”
“Must have been to call me.”
She sighed. “I wanted to reach out so many times.”
“But you didn’t. I get it. Neither of us made the effort. That’s why as soon as you called, I knew it was time.”
“What now? Are you okay? Are we okay?”
I thought about it. “Tonight was a good time to talk about it all. It’s best to get rid of all this baggage before I start something new tomorrow.”
“Clean slate.”
“That’s my goal. That’s why I want your help now. I wasn’t ready to hear it all before. This job, this opportunity, is what I’ve been waiting for. Sure, it was fun to hang around the house with the kids, but I do need more.” I was relaxed now.
“Those kids love you.” My sister was on the verge of tears. “I can’t thank you enough for being here when he died. They are never going to know their father.”
I got up and hugged my sister. “They will know their uncle because you were the bigger person.”
She rolled her eyes and wiped them. “I guess that will have to do.”
I sat on the floor next to her and ran my fingers across the carpet. “Now that you know I’m okay, what about you and the kids. Did you find a place to take care of them while we’re both at work?”
“They’ll go back to the place we had them in before. I’d like to raise my own kids, but that’s not going to happen. My life is different now. We will all adjust and come out okay in the end. It’s sweet of you to care like you do.” She tousled my hair. “Do you really feel connected to us?”
I turned and looked at her. “Connected?”
“Do you love us?”
I scratched my head and stuck out my tongue, like I was thinking deeply. “I’ll have to get back to you on that one.”
I felt my hair being pulled. “Don’t ruin this moment by being stupid.”
I stood and grew serious. “I love you, Polly. I’ll tell Aaron and Quinn that tomorrow after work.” I leaned down, kissed her forehead, and went to bed before she saw the tears.