Alison convinced me to open the door to Human Resources when knocking failed to produce any results. The door was unlocked and opened quietly inward. There was a small round table with four chairs close to the door with a large desk behind facing the door we entered. An emergency door was in the back wall, and opaque cubed glass allowed in adequate light even when the ceiling lights were out. Mismatched filing cabinets of all colors and shapes looked like they were in the office because there was nowhere else for them.
“Are you sure you have the time right?” I asked over my shoulder.
“Yes. Just get in there and sit down.” Alison pushed me, and I complied.
I pulled out a chair for her and moved around the table so a chair separated us on either side. “So, we just sit here?” I picked up a brochure on the table that was a marketing piece for the company. Flipping through it, I only recognized a few of the people in the pictures. “Are these people all gone, or do you think they use stock photos?”
Alison grabbed the top of the piece and spun it around to look. She put on her glasses and looked page by page. I could tell she was counting. Handing it back to me, she blew out a breath and stared at me. “They must roll a lot of people.”
“Really?” I felt saddened.
“No big deal, a lot of companies do that. Some like to fire everyone for the smallest things, and some are so terrible they leave in waves.” She shrugged. “We’re here now. Let’s enjoy it.”
“Okay.” I looked around the room, wondering what to talk about. “So, how many vacation days do you get?”
“I told them I need at least four weeks, plus they give us some sick days. Twenty-six total.” She said it so matter-of- factly that I had to believe her. “You?”
“Oh, not that many. After I’m here a full year, I’ll get a week.” She shook her head slowly.
“What? This is my first real professional job. I don’t know what to ask for yet.”
“You realize you’re older than me, and I’m already well past you in salary and benefits.” She let that sink in for a few seconds. “Do you know why?”
I wanted to tell her that it’s because she is beautiful and could get blood from a stone if she asked. “Because you’re pushy?”
“I’m confident in who I am and what I can do. How about you?” She took off her glasses, put the tip of the arm gently in her mouth, and bit down carefully. The result was a combined look of sophistication and seduction. When she saw the desired effort was achieved, she giggled and put away her glasses.
“There is no way I can pull off anything that could equal that. Do you have any suggestions?” I was honestly hoping that she could help me be a better person.
Someone banging on the emergency door from the outside interrupted my therapy. I got up and pushed on the bar to open the door.
“Thank goodness you’re on time,” a very short lady with spiky red hair said, blowing smoke in my face. “Sorry about that. I got stuck out there while grabbing a break.”
I returned to my seat and watched her take off what looked like a long, heavy leather trench coat.
“There’s two of you,” she added when noticing Alison.
Alison stood and shook her hand and then sat down again. “Glad to meet you. I’m Alison, and this is Derrick,” Alison said, sounding formal.
“Good.” The HR lady moved to the table and sat down.
She was reeking of smoke and very much out of breath when she spoke. I did my best to smile and not gag.
“Have they walked you around the place yet?”
We both nodded.
“Good. Any questions?”
Alison looked at me and then at the HR lady. “We noticed that the company’s marketing piece was”—Alison tapped on it for emphasis—“well, out of date.”
It was obvious that HR had no idea what Alison meant. “They haven’t done one in close to ten years. That’s why it’s in here. I’m supposed to be heading up a team of people to get a new one started.” She picked it up and flipped through it. “Most people are gone now, but most people stay here a really long time.”
“Oh, that’s a relief.” I blew out a long breath as I rolled my eyes. “We thought this place might have had a problem.”
HR shot me a confused look at the same time Alison sharply kicked me under the table. Alison was very good at maximizing the pain while minimizing how obviously annoyed she was with my dumb outburst.
“I can assure you, the average time a person works here is close to five years. Many of the execs have been here much longer.” HR smiled and then coughed grossly.
“You understand the concern,” Alison said, smiling widely as HR too slowly drowned in her sickening sweetness. “First day and all.”
HR nodded slowly. “No one wants to work at a place that doesn’t care about its employees and want to see them stay happy.”
“Totally,” Alison agreed. “That’s all we meant, right, Derrick?”
I could see that all she wanted was a short, one-word answer. “Definitely.” Disappointing Alison could be hazardous to my health.
“Good to hear.” HR looked at both of us and then pulled the marketing piece closer to herself, like she was guarding it with her life. “Well, there are a few forms that you will need to fill out while I review the benefits.” She turned around and grabbed two packets from her desk and put one in front of each of us.
I opened the one in front of me and looked at the first page. “I think this one is for Alison,” I blurted out, closing it quickly. I slid the one I had to her and grabbed the other. “Sorry, I looked.”
“That’s okay,” the HR lady said.
I opened the correct one and saw my benefits. Doing some quick math, I was sure that Alison was making roughly three times as me and paid almost half for the same insurance.
“Do you both have the proper ID?”
“ID?” I was not even sure what she meant.
“I will need a birth certificate or Social Security card and a valid driver’s license.” The HR lady took the information from Alison, who produced it easily.
“I don’t have any of that stuff on me. I don’t even know if I have it at home.” I was beginning to panic. “I definitely don’t have a driver’s license.”
“You don’t drive?” Alison asked.
“Public transportation is my best friend.”
Both ladies looked at me like I was some kind of idiot.
“What?”
“You will need to get a state ID from the DMV.” The HR lady could tell I had no idea what the DMV meant. “Department of Motor Vehicles. Do you know where one is located?”
“I’ll ask my sister tonight.”
Alison looked disappointed.
“I’ll also have to ask her about the other two. I’m pretty sure I have a birth certificate. That’s the one with my footprints on the back, right?”
The HR lady laughed and then had to spend a few moments clearing her throat. “That’s not a birth certificate. That’s something the hospital used to give out.”
“Oh.” I hung my head and stared at the table.
For what seemed like an eternity, I sat there, listening about how great it was to work at the company and how the benefits were second to none. Alison, of course, asked a lot of clarifying questions, which highlighted the difference between my position and hers. For the first time in a long while, I felt completely useless and would have to lean heavily on my sister to help with getting my paperwork in order. Alison would have assisted if I had asked, but I could tell she was growing more and more disappointed in how immature I was at these simple adult tasks.
“Are you out of your mind?” Alison asked as we left HR. She turned abruptly and poked me in the chest. “When you and I talk about something, it is between us.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, not really getting her tantrum.
“You don’t realize what you did?”
I shrugged sheepishly. “I told HR about our concern about rolling staff?” I guessed correctly when she squinted and folded her arms.
“Really? You don’t see that as a problem?” She was livid.
I looked up at the ceiling momentarily, and she snapped in my face.
“Look at me.”
“Whoa,” I said, trying to push her hand out of my face. “What is your problem?”
She straightened up and smiled when a few people walked through the mail room on the way to the lunchroom. We remained motionless until we were alone again.
“I will tell you something right here, right now, and I do not want you to forget it.” She was calm, and that made me nervous. “When you and I talk about something, make that anything”—she stomped—“I do not ever want to find out you have broken my confidence.”
Oh, come on. I wanted to scream, but I tried a different tactic. “I’m sorry.”
“You and I are going to be spending an awful lot of time working together. We are going to say things to each other. I’m going to tell you all about myself. I’m going to tell you my opinions on everything.” She stopped, scanning my face. “I’m here because I’ve been burned by people telling everyone my business.”
I could tell she was hurt but had no idea why I was getting all this information so soon. “You have my word that whatever happens between us will stay that way. Okay?”
She believed me completely, and something changed between us at that moment.
“What are you doing for lunch?” Alison asked like the last few moments had never happened.
“You have that thing with the owners, right?”
She led me back to my desk and leaned on the wall as I slumped back in my chair. “You should go,” she said, twirling her glasses before putting them in her pocket.
I could tell she thought that was a risky thing to do, but I wanted to spend more time with her.
“What’s the harm?”
“I have a lot to do,” I started but could tell she would not take no for an answer.
She folded her arms and pouted. “The work will be here when we get back, right?”
I jumped up quickly and spread my arms.
“Am I right?” She sighed and cocked her head as she looked at me like I was a bad child. “Do you know why you need to go with us?”
I shrugged. “I am going to guess it has something to do with improving my image.”
She nodded.
“See, I can be a genius when I need to be. So, do I just show up with you?”
Alison thought for a moment and gave me a good once-over, which made me shift uncomfortably. “Can you stand still?”
“What are you doing?”
“You go from being in control to acting like an imbecile whenever anyone pays you some attention.”
I flinched away when she reached out a hand to touch my arm.
“See what I mean? Stand still!”
I gave her my best death stare as she straightened my clothes.
“That’s better.”
“Do you realize how you’re treating me?”
She clasped her hands behind her back and stared me in the eyes until I looked away. “I’m treating you like a man, but you’re not ready for that yet.”
Her stepping forward and looking up at me made me blush and take a step back.
“It’s early in the game.” She grinned as she turned away. “Let’s go find the owners and get some food.”
I wiped sweat from my forehead as I followed quickly behind Alison. She was going upstairs, so I assumed we were headed to her desk. When we got to the top of the steps, she made a left, went up some more steps, and entered into a more open room full of people I had not yet met. It seemed like everyone knew Alison, and she stopped to introduce me.
“Derrick and I interviewed on the same day,” she told the group as if they would care.
“Hello,” I said deeply as I nodded to everyone from over top and behind Alison.
“He’s a whiz with computers,” she said, turning and urging me forward. “Right now he’s doing desktop work, but I’m sure now that computers are taking off, he’ll be much more involved.”
I brightened and looked at the others. “Well, it’s good to meet all of you. I’m sure I’ll be getting to know you all soon enough.”
Alison moved through the Accounting Department and knocked on Ms. Cedar’s office door, which was open enough to show her sitting at her desk. “We’re finished in HR. Is now a good time to go out for our lunch?”
I could see Ms. Cedar look at her watch and then me. For a few seconds, I wasn’t sure if the plan was going to work. Her lips curled up for the smallest second, and I could tell it was okay.
“I will call WC, and he can meet us at the back door. Go ahead down there, and I’ll meet you.”
Alison and I hustled away quickly, went down the front stairs, past the receptionist, through the mail room, and went outside to stand on a marble step by the back door.
“She doesn’t care if I go, does she?”
“I think she really likes you,” Alison admitted. “I actually think they both like you a lot.”
“That’s a relief.”
“You have no clue, do you?”
I could tell I was disappointing Alison again, but I wasn’t exactly sure about what.
“Where do you want to go,” Manor asked Cedar as they came through the back door. “I’m sure these two are getting hungry.” He patted my back roughly as we began walking down the sidewalk. “Everything working out for you?” he asked me.
“So far, so good. There’s a lot to learn, but everyone’s been very understanding.” I looked at Alison and could tell she was happy again.
“I’ve got the perfect place to eat,” Ms. Cedar chimed in. “I hope you two don’t mind a little walk.”
“A little walk by my standard is fine,” WC commented. He rubbed his moustache and put his hands in his pockets. “Who’s paying?”
“You did bring the card, I hope,” Ms. Cedar said, slightly annoyed.
“I’ve got my card. How about you?”
Without checking, she responded, “You know I do.”
“Then I know who’s paying today.” He winked at me and Alison. “We’re like an old married couple sometimes,” he added to make us feel more comfortable.