“Are you sure you don’t need a ride home?” Ms. Cedar called to me from her car.
I had taken a lift with her earlier since getting here from work using public transportation would have taken forever.
Alison shook her head and waved with her free hand. “We’re okay,” she answered, pulling me along.
“Okay, see you both on Monday,” she replied, leaving us alone.
“So, what’s the plan?” I asked as we kept walking in the cold.
It wasn’t windy, but it was definitely not a night that I wanted to be outside for a long time. However, Alison was clinging to me, and I didn’t want that to end either.
“Do you like dancing?” she asked, looking around at all the pretty sites the riverfront stroll presented.
“Dancing?” The only thing less developed than my social skills was a rhythmic command over my body. I could pick up a foot and put it down again, wiggle my hips, and occasionally point my finger. Only on a few occasions did I ever truly try, but it looked like tonight was going to be another. “Is there somewhere nearby we could go?” I asked with mock delight.
“If we keep going this way, we’ll end up at a place I think you’ll like.”
“How good at dancing are you?” I asked, imagining she probably won contests as a kid.
“To be honest, I prefer to people-watch more. If there’s a song I really like, I’ll get out and dance. How about you?” she asked, looking at me. “You okay with going?” Her eyes twinkled in the light, and her expression was one of true excitement.
“I will definitely go and watch. Please note that you will have to lead if you drag me out on the dance floor with you.”
“So noted.” She looked at my face closely. “Still no beard? You don’t have any ID on you, do you?”
“Of course not,” I said, rubbing my chin.
“Great. We’ll be able to get in, but you won’t be able to drink.”
I stopped. “You’ll be able to sneak me a soda, right? I don’t want to dehydrate trying to impress you with all the right moves.”
She jerked my arm to get me going again. “I will take care of you. Did you know the big kid act does get old after a while?”
“I wish I was acting.”
“What are you saying?”
“I don’t have the same life experiences that you do. I don’t drink. I can’t dance. I can’t swim. I guess drinking and driving together would be bad. So would drinking and swimming, now that I think about it.”
“You don’t have to do all those things,” she insisted. “What you have to do is act like a man every once in a while. Stop being so childish. Don’t tell me you can’t do something when you really mean you don’t want to.”
“I really can’t swim. Drowning several times hasn’t helped motivate me, but I’ve tried a bunch of times. There was even a summer when I had a lifeguard helping me one-on-one. I’ve got no buoyancy whatsoever.”
Alison rolled her eyes. “I’m talking about dancing.”
“Well, then say that. You know I don’t always understand the help you are trying to give me.”
“That also annoys me.”
“I’ll make you a deal. Be more specific without hurting me, and I’ll try harder to read between the lines. I’ve never been good at inferences. The whole act-like-a-man thing is awful vague too.”
“I do not want to be the one who is always making the decisions when we hang out.”
“Stop being so pushy then.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” she demanded.
“I am not the type of person that can walk out of a hotel in an area of the city that I’ve never been to and come up with an exciting date. You want that, then you’ll have to tell me ahead of time. Being spontaneous is not me. Give me a few hours, and I could come up with a plan with several branching options.”
“Do you think this is a date?” she quickly asked when I paused to see if she was following my rambling monologue.
“What?”
“You called this a date.”
“Did I?” I know I used that word and now was regretting it.
“Yes. Do you want to date me?”
“Honestly, I would prefer to skip all that nonsense and get married. You busy this weekend?”
She pulled her arm away and kept walking. “Maybe what annoys me the most is how you find it easier to use humor than admit how you are really feeling.”
I love you, I wanted to say as I kept up. “We spent the first two days of work getting to know each other and the last three months awkwardly avoiding each other.”
“We?”
“We both know it could have been over sooner if one of us would have wanted that.” I could tell she didn’t like my version but didn’t counter it. “Tonight is our chance to start over.”
“Start over, okay.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me close. “It’s not a date though.”
“Fine, we are not dating.” My smile was having a hard time wiping itself from my face.
“You realize I still expect you to dance when we get there.”
“You realize I still want you to get me a soda.”
She gave me a look and shook her head.
“What?”
“You can buy your own soda. An ID is only needed for alcohol, stupid.”
“Oh. By the way, if we were dating, that would be unacceptable.”
“What? You want me to order all your food too?”
“No, I meant calling me names. It’s okay for friends to do that, so feel free to continue assassinating my character and intelligence.” I patted her on the head with my free hand. “You got that, shorty?”
I would not let her pull away again and laughed when she knew she couldn’t.
“Fine. You know I don’t mean anything by it.”
“Tell me why we are friends again?”
She thought about it for a few moments. “Because you are hoping one day that will change.”
“What is your motivation then?”
Again she fell silent. “Can I get back to you on that?”
“What’s that?” I asked, pointing at a line in front of a rather plain building.
“That was pretty quick,” she said, pulling me along. “This is the place I was talking about. It’s time to show me your best moves.”
The line was full of people definitely younger and more club-appropriately dressed than us. I was still in my work clothes, which seemed casual enough. However, Alison had a tendency to be much more dressy than needed. During the long walk, we both managed to look a little more frazzled and less professional. When it came time for the bouncer to give us the once-over, Alison flashed her winning smile and yanked me along into the club.
To say I was in another world would be an understatement. Smoke from machines and people wafted just above the crowd while lasers moved about erratically. On a good day, I often cannot hear others when in a crowd, but add music loud enough to alter one’s heartbeat, and I’m stuck reading lips. Flashing lights had a rather nice effect of altering the speed at which dancers appeared to move, so maybe no one would notice my terrible skills.
“We can put our coats over here!” Alison shouted while pointing to a few open chairs at a table with lots of different glasses and bottles on it.
“Are you sure no one is sitting here?” I said, wiping my eyes.
“I don’t see anyone’s stuff, so it’s all ours.” She sat down on a chair and pulled another next to her. “Come on,” she demanded, pounding on the seat.
“Is the smoke going to bother you?” I asked, hoping that we could leave already.
“You’ll get used to it,” she said, clearing a spot so she could get comfortable watching.
We watched the crowd for a few songs, and I noticed Alison really enjoying commenting on the people. What they wore, the moves attempted, and even the likelihood of individuals ending up leaving together kept us busy. Someone came over and cleared the table and asked us if we wanted anything to drink. Alison got her favorite vodka, and I went with a soda.
“To starting over,” she said, clinking my glass.
“To not dating like this more often,” I pushed, hoping to get a smile.
“You know you have to meet my family before anything goes any further.” She finished her drink and put down the glass. “There are no exceptions.”
“I would expect nothing less.” I put down my can and leaned forward. “When?”
“You still haven’t done the first thing I told you to do.” She flicked my chin. “Grow a beard.”
“Are you serious? I was planning on doing that when I was off for vacation.”
“Really?” she giggled.
“Wait, are you messing with me?”
Sitting up straight, she turned to watch the crowd again. “Do whatever you want, silly,” she said, waving her hands in the air and rocking in her chair.
I moved my chair so I was next to her and could see the dance floor better. After watching for another few songs, I asked, “How late is this place open?”
“Midnight.” She looked at me sternly. “You have somewhere to go?”
“No.”
“You have to call your sister?”
“She’s probably already sleeping.” I had told Polly already I was going to be very late and not to wait up for me.
“Then sit back and enjoy, unless you want to get out there with me.” She reached for my hand, but I pulled away. “What’s the problem?”
“Nothing really. I guess I’m concerned about how long it’s going to take to get home.” I grabbed my drink and took a sip. “Aren’t you?”
“I was going to take a cab.”
“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that.” I wasn’t planning on spending that kind of money to get home but was glad that she would get dropped off safely.
“You looking out for me?”
I nodded.
“Good, that’s what friends are for. Now let’s get out there,” she said grabbing my shirt. “We’ve got work to do.”
I followed her to the edge of the dance floor and stopped. My mind equated the situation to drowning, and my legs refused to budge. Socially, I wanted to get out there and be some kind of sensation like never witnessed before. However, my brain resisted. Even during the summer heat, I barely ever sweat, but now I was feeling every bead. If this wasn’t a panic attack, I’d be real scared of an actual one.
Alison came over and got real close. “You are paler than usual. Did your heart stop?” She placed her hand on my chest. “Seriously, it’s not that important.”
Not important to her, although it was to me. Would I freeze up like this every time she wanted to do something that challenged me?
“Do you want to do this or not?”
“I want to,” I managed to say weakly, nodding.
She held my hand while maintaining eye contact. “Focus on me and nothing else.”
Slowly I could feel her moving me into the crowd. People were bumping into us, and still I did not look away. Her expression softened and then turned sensual as her body began to sway.
“Can you feel the music?”
I could indeed feel the music with the bass booming all around. Her hands let go, and I lurched forward.
Cheek to cheek, I whispered in her ear, “You tell no one about this, right?”
She grabbed the back of my head, firmly grasping my hair. “No one would believe me even if I told them.”
Pushing me away, she moved like the rest of the crowd while I watched up close and personal. I did want to at least try and look normal, so I kept bobbing my head to the beat and imitated some of the other guys circling her. Trying to let everyone know she was with me was challenging with just facial expressions.
By the time the current song was over, I had mastered the art of the back-off stare. Most respected it without hesitation while a few needed to see me move in their direction. The good thing about being tall is that it often gives the impression that I am strong. If they only knew that my arms were long and extremely thin, things may have gone a different way.
When there was a small break between songs, she decided it was time to sit again. I can’t honestly say how long I was out there in the confusion. Most of my senses were ready to be done being on high alert and greatly appreciated me distancing myself from the dance floor. Our table was taken by others, so we grabbed our coats and moved to another.
“Do you want another drink?” she asked, pulling her hair back.
“I don’t think I was done the first one. I’ll have another if you want to stay and sit some more.”
She shook her head and put on her coat.
“Are you ready to go?”
She looked at her watch. “They’ll be closing soon. I don’t want to fight for a cab with this group.”
I grabbed her wrist and looked at the time. “That can’t be right.”
Her smile was calming. “That’s what happens when you’re having a good time.”
I guess I did have some fun. This wasn’t something I ever would have done on my own. “You heading home then?”
She nodded, and we went outside after bundling up. My left ear felt like it was filled with water, so I tilted my head and put my pinky in it.
Trying to hide her smile, she put her hands over her mouth. “What are you doing?”
“My ear feels weird. Doesn’t all that stuff in there bug you?” I rubbed my eyes and smelled my coat. “Smells like smoke.”
“Derrick,” she said, bringing me back from the edge. “I had a really nice time tonight.”
“I did too,” I admitted. “Next time maybe I can come up with a few ideas of things you might like trying.”
“What do you think Cedar’s going to say on Monday?” She winked. “I know she secretly hopes I would disappear from your life.”
“I don’t know about that. My thought is she really wants me to succeed. Look at how she called on me tonight.” I shrugged. “You’re just a distraction.”
Alison punched me. “Is that all that I am?”
“You never told me why you want to be my friend.” I bounced on my toes.
“I guess I have something in common with Cedar then.”
“You hope you disappear from my life too?” I said, flinching.
“No, silly, I want to be there when you succeed.”