Christmas party, year 2
“You look pretty good,” I said and then pointed at my face and hair. “It’s been a rough year.” I sighed. “It really is over, isn’t it?”
A sad look and pat on my back was followed by a quick yes.
“I don’t know if I can make it without you. Don’t know if I want to try.” I wanted to hug her, but didn’t want to cause her pain. “There’s no changing your mind?”
“You knew this was coming.”
“I did, but letting go is never easy.” I saw her wipe a tear and looked away. “You deserve a clean break and some time away from working so hard. Even I’m taking off soon. Not sure exactly what I’ll be doing, but it’ll involve my sister and kids.”
“I’m sorry I never got to meet them.”
“You really would have liked my sister, Polly. The kids are still little, so they’re still cute.” I was running out of things to say and wanted to walk away and be alone.
“So many people came in and out this year. You’ll hardly miss me.”
I scoffed. “Close to half of the company, including those from the other company. A real banner statistic.”
“I’m afraid clients are going to leave.”
“Is that a sure thing or wishful thinking?” A playful nudge caught me off guard. “Won’t matter to you, right?”
“You’ll never understand why I have to go, will you?”
“Oh, I get it. You have a fear of commitment and an inability to connect deeply to those that love you.” I stared her in the eyes. “Walk away when things get tough. See if I care.”
“You’re trying to hurt me, aren’t you?” She stifled a laugh and held her chest.
“Sorry, forgot to include your diminished sense of humor.” I pursed my lips and winked.
“Currently, yes, you are correct. Will anyone else miss me?”
“Half of the people who knew you are gone, and the new people never got the chance since it was a very busy year. I only keep up with it all because I have to set up their computers. Typing in a person’s name a bunch of times in the process helps.” I pretended I was doing my job in the air.
“That really is a depressing reality check. One could make truly meaningful advances in their position, and time will quickly wipe it all away. All that’s left will be my name on a dumb plaque somewhere.” She clenched her fists and blew out a cleansing breath.
“I’ll be here. I’ll make sure you are remembered correctly. You have my word.” I knew I had to hug her, but gently. “That gold-plated little thing with your name won’t ever get dusty.”
“Are you the one that keeps messing with those on the wall near HR?”
I looked around like someone was listening. “Promise not to tell anyone?”
“You keep putting back the W. C. Manor one.”
“That’s right, and I’ll do the same for C. S. Cedar now.”
We chatted for a few more minutes before anyone else showed up at the Christmas party. “I guess I should mingle,” she said, and I was left alone until Jimmy sat in the seat next to me.
“How’d you get here so fast?” he asked, taking off his coat.
“I came with Ms. Cedar. Are Alison and Nell coming soon?” I was thinking of getting up to get a soda, but I didn’t want to move.
“They had a conference call. Shouldn’t be any more than a few more minutes.” He got up. “I’m going to get some stuff. You ready?”
I waved for him to go ahead.
“I’ll tell you what’s good.”
I kept watching the door to see who was coming in next. This year they hired a new HR lady because the last one ended up going out on medical leave and never coming back. The new one, while very attractive, never looked anyone in the eye. I’ve been told this is a sign of mental illness but have no way to be sure. What I do know is that she was into magic and was planning to do some at the party. It was now my turn to avoid her gaze lest I end up picking cards or having coins appear out of my ears.
The man from Nevada appeared, wearing a Santa’s cap, and lit up the room, laughing deeply and loudly as he greeted everyone. He was followed by a cluster of people from the new company that was basically in charge of our daily operations. While I interacted with everyone, this group very seldom called me, and when they did, I felt like I was simply in the way. No outward hostility, always civil, but the contact seemed flat and lifeless.
Nell came in and put her coat on a chair next to me. “Where’s Alison?” I asked.
“She’s right behind me. Give her a minute.” Nell looked around at the growing crowd. “Is the food any good?”
I shrugged, and she walked away to find out. My phone rang. Everyone who would call my work cell was in this room, except one. “What are you doing with a phone?” I asked, answering the call.
“I wanted to surprise you. It’s an early present from my mom. Are you really going to stick around?” Alison whined.
“It’s a good-bye for Ms. Cedar. I can’t miss that. She had a hand in hiring you too, remember?” I moved away from everyone. “We can go out afterward, okay?”
“What do you have in mind?”
I could tell I had to come up with something she would really like.
“We hardly see each other.” She was right about that, but it was mostly her fault. “I’m not coming in until I hear something fabulous.”
“Horse and buggy ride through the city. Do you want coffee or hot chocolate to go with that?” I heard silence and checked to make sure we were still connected. “You still there?”
“You can still surprise me every once in a while, can’t you?”
“Did you expect me to suggest clubbing?”
“Hang up, silly. I’m looking at you right now.”
I turned and saw Alison from across the room. She had become a lot less touchy over this year and definitely while at work. A couple of people knew we went out on dates, but she wanted to keep her business private, to a whole new level. I moved out of the way to pull out a chair for her to sit in as she approached.
“Good to see you,” I said as I removed her coat and put it on the chair.
“Did you get anything to eat or drink?” she asked, fixing her hair.
“No, you should know I like to sit and then not move.” I smiled weakly. “Some habits are hard to break.”
“Well, I’m going to get a drink,” she said, pushing by me, heading for the bar.
Kay came up to me and asked, “Do you have room for one more?”
“Hey, good to see you made it.” She had been working hard to get a job done before coming over, and I was glad she could join us. “Bring a chair over. We can all squeeze.”
“It’s amazing how you get everything done by yourself these days.” She already had a drink and some food. “How’s it going?”
“Yeah, I was surprised when they told me my assistant position wouldn’t be filled again. I guess now that most of the setup is done, they think I’m sitting around eating bonbons with my feet up. When I’m on vacation, with no one supporting you all, they’ll reevaluate their position.” I leaned close. “Have you heard from Wren?”
Kay nodded. “She’s been keeping up with everything. However, I think you should give her a call.”
“Are you purposely being vague, or do you just have a feeling there’s a problem?”
She sipped her drink and ignored me.
“Fine,” I said, standing up and readying my phone. “I’ll call her right now.” I walked away and dialed her number.
“Hello?” Wren answered.
“Kay thought I should give you a call. What’s going on?” At first there was silence, and then she started telling me about some personal things and how it was bumming her out, but the job was getting done. “What can I do?” I asked.
“I might need to take some extended time off, if that’s okay with you. I’ll keep up with everything and let you know what’s going on, but my availability directly will be spotty. Are you okay with that?”
“I know you can handle it, but keep me up to date if someone is causing a stir. From my end, I’ve always trusted you and know you’re good for getting it all done. Remember, they are still looking for places to cut, so don’t give them a reason to look your way.” I did not want to lose good people over nonbusiness-related issues. “I’ll cover for you.”
“Thanks,” she said, and then I caught her up on the latest round of people to come and go.
While we talked, I saw Alison return and give me a very obvious sign to cut my call short.
“Well, I must go,” I said to initiate the conversation’s end. I rejoined the group when I was done and listened to everyone talking about the party. “This place is pretty cool,” I added to get back into the flow.
“I’m kind of disappointed we’re having it in a bar instead of a nice hotel,” Alison announced, nibbling on some appetizers. “Last year was much better.”
“A hotel?” Kay asked.
“We do so much business with them they help share the cost. I guess those days are over,” Alison said, sipping her drink.
“It is kind of strange that we’re having such an important get-together here,” Nell said, looking around. “Ms. Cedar deserves a little more, right?”
“I agree, but maybe that’s what she wanted. Free food, free drinks, it works,” I concluded.
The man from Nevada got everyone’s attention, thanked all of us for coming, and reminded us about how much we accomplished over the past year. Calling Ms. Cedar to his side, he outlined how much she meant to the company, wished her well, and encouraged us all to emulate her work ethic. He briefly mentioned her year-long battle with cancer without missing a day through the process. There were a few real tears; however, some seemed to be dabbing dry eyes. I wanted to say something nice but wasn’t given an opportunity as the topic abruptly changed.
HR began handing out envelopes and told us that some of us were going to find an extra random gift inside. People were ripping them apart and feverishly looking for what they hoped was worth the effort. Gift certificates, cash, and movie tickets were some of the items those around me received along with a bonus check. We all clapped and thanked management for being so generous.
“Who got the trip?” someone from the cluster called out.
I had opened my envelope but didn’t look inside. Thumbing through the contents, there was a folded piece of paper that I removed manically. It turned out to be something from a hotel and a note about the company getting me there. Essentially, it was a free trip for one to any hotel in the continental United States with work picking up the round-trip airfare. I raised it high in the air and waved it slowly.
“That’s me.” I stood and rushed to the man from Nevada to shake his hand vigorously. “I don’t get out much, so this will be perfect.” Many people laughed, not realizing that I was being serious. “I’d like to thank everyone that had a hand in putting this together. I realize it’s rather a big deal.” I smiled and nodded to all those in the cluster, making sure they knew I appreciated it, understanding its value. “Wow, can I use this right away?”
“You know where you want to go already?” someone called out.
“Definitely. A trip out west would fit well with my vacation plans.” I said, full of nervous energy.
“A man who knows exactly what he wants,” the man from Nevada said, slapping me on the back, laughing loudly. “Good to hear this came at just the right moment.”
I thanked everyone again and went back to my table where they were all as excited as me—all but Alison, it turned out.
“West? Where are you planning to go?”
The truth was the first person who popped into my mind was Wren. “I thought I’d go see Wren since she’s going through a tough time.”
Alison’s face didn’t change as she kept sipping her vodka but she acted as if I had not spoken.“What?” she asked calmly, putting down her drink.
“I can go anywhere. I’ve never been to the other side of the country before. There’s lots to see there.” I couldn’t tell if I should stop talking or keep on going, piling on more words. “Did you want to go somewhere with me?”
She looked at me and pouted. “That’s such a sweet idea. So glad you came up with it yourself.”
I sat back and watched everyone else trying to ignore us. “How about we talk about it later?” I said, not wanting to cause a scene.
“That’s exactly what I was hoping,” she said, covering my hand with hers. “It’s like we think with the same brain.” She finished her drink and left for the bar to get another one.
“Sounds like you’ve got to choose,” Nell said, patting me on the shoulder as she went for another round of food.
“Do you have something for Wren too?” Kay asked.
“Wren has made it quite clear that we are just friends. I have a lot in common with her, that’s all.” I looked at Kay, and she shook her head slowly. “I can’t win this one, can I?”
“It doesn’t seem like you want to,” she stood up. “If you didn’t announce to the entire company that you wanted to immediately hop on a plane to see your friend, then maybe Alison wouldn’t be sitting at the bar by herself.” I turned and saw Kay was right. “Go do what you have to,” she insisted, pulling me up.
I walked over to Alison and sat down next to her. “Can I get a soda, please.”
The bartender brought it to me, and I took a sip. “Hey, I’m sorry about thinking of you second.”
“What are we doing?” she asked.
“Not much,” I sighed. “I love you.”
“You say that too much.” She turned toward me. “Show me more.”
I think I understood what she meant but was sure we weren’t speaking the same language. At least some of our definitions were not lined up. “Be honest. Do we have a future together?”
“As what?” she snapped. “Why don’t you go on your vacation and think about it. Tell me your answer when you get back.”