Christmas party, year 3
“How am I supposed to get there?” I asked Alison.
“Why did you wait until the last minute?”
“Well, I assumed I would go with you. Don’t you think that is reasonable?”
“I have a bunch of people in my car.”
“I know that now.”
“How did you think they were going to get there?”
I paused and thought about it. “Didn’t they rent cars?”
“Sure, but it’s usually common courtesy to take people from out of town.”
“How was I supposed to know that? I’m not on a team. I deal with computers and stuff.”
She kissed my forehead. “You are so socially awkward it’s painful but endearing at the same time.”
“You know it’s common courtesy not to patronize people, especially those that you are dating. Do you know that?” I asked, standing up to grab some cables.
“I heard you IT guys don’t really have actual friends, let alone girlfriends.”
I waved a screwdriver at her. “You know I can’t stand it when someone calls me that.”
“What?”
“IT. I’m so much more than that, and you know it.”
“What are you working on right now?”
Gazing around my pod, I thought it was quite obvious. “I’m fixing this computer.”
“Isn’t that IT?”
I huffed. “You’re not giving me a ride, so please step outside of my space.”
“Still mad you lost your office?”
I smirked. “I was never mad.”
She laughed. “Not mad?”
“No.”
“Why then did I hear nothing but that for months?”
Looking around, I saw tech clutter everywhere. “I have no space.”
“None of us do,” she reminded me.
“Are you still in an office?”
“I was moved too.”
I laughed. “You lost like two square feet.”
“Put all that in the server room,” she said, pointing at several tangled piles of cables.
“You realize I can’t just walk in there anytime I want now, right?”
She folded her arms. “You get in before everyone else.”
“I do.”
“You are free to walk through the meeting room when no one is there.”
“Be honest. Don’t you think it is stupid to have a meeting room that one needs to go through to get to the server room?”
“Accounting has the same issue. I don’t hear them complaining.”
“Oh right, the safe.”
She nodded. “That’s right. The safe is through that same room. They get their stuff in the morning and return it each night.”
I stretched. “I’m a whiner and complainer, I get it.”
“Admitting it is half the battle, or so I’ve been told.”
Losing several associations and not making up that money forced us to move into half of the space. It seemed that no one with intelligence was included in the planning. That was months ago. Apparently, every conversation that I had with Alison since then deteriorated into me expressing my total disdain for the general direction of the company. For some reason, I was passionate about what I did and wanted that same standard applied evenly across all staff. Seems like the word fair was a dirty one.
“Seriously, how am I supposed to get to the Christmas party?” I gave her my best attempt at looking cute and needy.
“Go with Rivi.”
“Are you sure?”
“What other choice is there? Everyone is already gone.”
“You’re okay with that though?”
She tapped her foot. “If I say no, then you won’t be at the party.”
“I know.”
“You would be fine with not going?”
I laughed. “My absence would not be noticed.”
“Why do you do that?”
“Okay, I’ll stop self-deprecating.”
“How long is it going to take you to finish whatever you are doing?”
“Fifteen minutes.”
She smiled. “Really? You always say that. Is that a real fifteen minutes or an hour and a half?”
“Do I do that?”
“Yes. Everything you do only takes fifteen minutes. We both know you just say that to put people at ease.”
“Doesn’t sound like it puts you at ease.”
“How long”—she said angrily through her teeth—“is it going to take?”
I put my left hand over my heart and held up my right. “Fifteen minutes.”
She picked up the receiver on my desk phone and dialed. “How long until you leave?” She paused. “Can you take my boyfriend with you to the party?” Another pause and then, “Thanks, Rivi, I owe you big.” Alison hung up the phone. “She’s in my office. I really have to go now.”
“Great, see you there.”
She ruffled my hair, walked away, and made a call on her phone. I kept doing what I was before Alison stopped by and was done in twelve minutes. Using two minutes to make my space look presentable left one to get to Rivi.
Something that I have to admit is that I keep a personal database in my head on everyone. It is quite extensive and helps me to remember the positive things about each person. I believe that if you try hard, you will see some sort of greatness in all. This exercise also helps me define levels of attractiveness. My definition of beautiful is that you do not have to add, subtract, or change anything about someone.
So seeing Alison for the first time checked a lot of boxes, making her nearly physically flawless to me. Getting to know her, however, has left me wondering if psychologically she is extremely broken. Of course, I love her despite that baggage, yet I wish for more. When I met Rivi, however, I needed to create all new fields to accommodate her inner and outer perfection.
Telling your girlfriend that is how you think is probably the dumbest thing you can ever do. For me, I didn’t see anything wrong with admitting that I found other women more attractive. It would be lying to do otherwise, right? Well, I’ve learned, that letting people know what’s really happening in your head is not a good idea. Life, I’ve been told, is not a beauty contest. I didn’t use the database for that purpose; however, Alison saw it that way, and that’s all that mattered.
When I told her that Rivi was nipping at her heels in the standings, I was told never to interact with her outside of work- related matters. It is truly difficult to do my job effectively when I can’t chat with people while I am helping them. Sometimes we have to wait while I let the code I’m creating run. During that time, I try to truly get to know everyone. Alison didn’t care; time with Rivi was frowned upon.
Standing in the doorway of Alison’s office, I knocked to get Rivi’s attention. She looked up and smiled, motioning for me to enter. I did, plopping down in a chair. “Thanks for giving me a ride,” I said, putting my feet on the desk. “I had no idea Alison was taking a bunch of board members to the party tonight.”
“No problem. Good thing we were both staying late.” She stood up and put on her coat. “You’re usually out of here earlier, right?”
“I try. I’m going on vacation soon, so I have to put in a lot of extra hours so I can take a few off.” I crossed my arms. “That’s the problem with having a department of one.”
“I’m ready to go, come on,” she said, pushing my feet off the edge. “You know she hates when you do that.”
I stood up and gestured for her to exit first. “I know, but it’s our little secret.”
“You move stuff all over when you do it. She is very particular about the placement of everything.”
I picked up a couple of things and switched them around. “Really?”
Rivi put everything back perfectly. “I was sitting at the desk and will get all the blame. You realize that, right?”
“We could split it. Easily eighty-twenty. Maybe ninety-ten.”
She pushed me out of the room and turned off the light. “You know her better than me. Ask yourself. Do you really want to annoy her like that?”
“You spend far more time with her.”
“Do you think so?”
I sighed. “I see her at work for a few minutes each day. Weekly date nights might last two or three hours. Maybe a daytrip on a Saturday once a month takes six hours. Do the math. You spend more time with her when you go away for just one of your association meetings. There’s a bunch of them every year. This industry kills relationships.”
“Is that why you guys aren’t really serious?”
We reached the elevator, and I hit the Down button. “What?”
“That’s the impression I got from the way you interact.”
I smiled. “I love her.”
“I know you do,” Rivi said, entering the elevator and hitting the first floor.
I really didn’t want to say any more because Alison would want to know what we talked about, word for word. So the rest of the trip was about the weather and top news stories. Nothing deep, nothing personal. It bugged me that others could see what I’ve been feeling. Alison and I had become that old couple without doing anything that new couples do. She was always there for me, whoop-de-do.
“How are you getting home?” Rivi asked as we pulled into the parking lot of the hotel where the party was being held.
“Alison is going to take those guys home too, isn’t she?”
Rivi nodded. “That’s the plan. Do you want me to be on standby?”
I studied her face for a few moments. “I would greatly appreciate that. Let me talk to Alison first.”
“She doesn’t like us talking, does she?”
I suddenly felt claustrophobic. “I really think we should get inside.” The heat of my breath began fogging up the windows. “Is that okay?” I asked, trying to open the door.
“Are you okay?” she asked, reaching out to touch my shoulder calmly. However, it only made me try harder to escape. “Derrick, what’s the matter with you?”
I turned and began speaking before my mind could stop me. “You’re much more attractive than Alison, and I told her that,” came out before I was smart enough to cover my mouth.
She laughed and unlocked the doors. “I’ll be sure to tell her you told me.”
“You can’t do that.” I felt hot and light-headed. “Please, you’ve got to keep this to yourself.”
Her face became very serious. “I was teasing you. You’re not going to pass out, are you?”
“You’re perfect, aren’t you?” I asked, leaning my head back on the rest. “I can’t stand not being allowed to get to know you better.”
“She’s not going to fire me, right?” Rivi was genuinely concerned.
“That’s not going to happen. Trust me, without you, Alison would not be able to handle those hooligans. It should be me that’s concerned she’s in a car full of them.” It hit me, from what she told me over the last few months, I should have told her not to drive. “Hey, we have to get in there to check on her.”
My phone rang. It was Alison. “What are you doing in that car?” she demanded.
“I’m talking with Rivi. How’d your ride with the guys go?” I asked, trying to deflect her wrath.
“Why are the windows all fogged up? How long have you been sitting there with her?”
“You can see us?” I asked, wiping the windshield with my sleeve. I saw her through a big window. She waved and then hung up, walking away.
“We need to get in there,” Rivi said, opening the doors and grabbing her purse.
Both of us quickly entered and went our separate ways. I found Alison talking to her board members and decided not to interrupt, but she waved for me to come over. “Derrick, come and say hello,” she said in her sickeningly sweet voice.
I smiled and picked up my pace. After shaking hands and doing the standard introductions, I made an excuse to leave and almost made it. Coming toward the group was the new association’s exec. There was no hope in escaping. He said some very crude things and had them all giggling. “Is this your boy toy?” he asked Alison while putting his arm around me, holding me tightly in place. “A little scrawny, huh? You need to spend more time in the kitchen making him bigger dinners.”
Pulling away, I felt my fists balling up and knew my face had to be red because my ears were burning. Alison grabbed my arm and pulled me away from him. “He needs to get a seat before we start this party,” she said, pushing me toward the rest of the staff. “See you soon,” she added as I turned, still giving the group my best death stare.
I looked for a safe place to sit and ended up between Nell and Jimmy. “That guy is horrible.” I grabbed a spoon and tapped it loudly on the table.
Nell grabbed my wrist and took the utensil away. “Stop that! Who has you all worked up?” She pinched my ear when I sat there breathing heavy, trying to calm down without answering.
“That exec Alison works with. He’s an absolute jerk.” I looked at them both. “You should both be happy you’re not on that account.”
“I don’t know about that. They’re the only ones getting raises.” Jimmy sighed. “Must be nice.”
“Are you sure about that?” I asked. The whole company was told no one was getting more money since we lost so much revenue. Almost a quarter of the company was laid off, and the rest of us had to do more with less. This year started off great but ended terribly.
“Don’t you talk to your girlfriend?” Nell shook her head. “You are so out of touch.”
“I guess I am,” I said, looking around at all those left to celebrate. If it wasn’t for the new group cosponsoring the outing, it would have been canceled. “We need them, don’t we?”
“Sure,” Jimmy admitted. “I’m not sure how many of the other groups are even profitable.”
Rubbing my temples, I tried to stop the throbbing in my head. “What is going on?”
“Business as usual,” Nell said, taking a gulp of her drink.
“Doesn’t all this bother you?”
“Me? I’m happy to have my job.” Nell finished her drink and stood up. “Enjoy yourself. What’s the point of getting all worked up? In the end, nothing’s going to change.” She walked away to get a refill.
“What do you think, Jimmy? Am I crazy to care so much?”
“Is that what you call it?”
I frowned. “Yes.”
“Loosen up. It’s the holidays. You’ll be on vacation soon. All this will be over soon. It’s a cycle. Right now we are down a little.” He raised his glass. “To our future.”
I grabbed my water glass and clinked his gently. “To our future.”